Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
