The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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