Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
