One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
