I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
