apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
