Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
