As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
