oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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