So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
