need another drink. this is the easiest way
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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