Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
