Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
