R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
