And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
