how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
