loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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