no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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