I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Alive.
So much puke
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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