like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
