I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
