I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
