Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
