i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
