I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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