Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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