This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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