and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
