Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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