1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
