I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
