So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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