He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
