Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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