i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
