I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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