You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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