You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
