She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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