I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
