Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
