i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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