It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
