I'd wear matching sweaters with you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
