Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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