Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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