He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
