this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
