It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
