She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she told me i tasted like america
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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