I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
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